Masturbation is a popular entertainment option the world over, so it’s perhaps not surprising that this activity has been inspirational to a number of musical performers. Songs about self-love are not as numerous as those about romantic, profane or even brotherly love, but it’s a suitable subject for musical exploration. As such, these songs can provide an appropriate soundtrack for a man’s masturbatory activities. Regular masturbation requires appropriate penis care, of course, so all are advised to not get too carried away by the beat of the music and start beating the meat too fiercely.
Beginnings
No one knows who wrote the first song about masturbation. Was it a caveman made overly excited at the sight of his neighbor’s new tight tiger skin thong? Did the ancient Greeks write them for their infamous satyr plays, which featured men with gigantic prosthetic penises? Did medieval troubadours create tunes about the lonely pleasures of the road?
The songs
Whatever the case, the advent of rock music opened up the door for songs that were more frankly sexual than the pop music of previous generations. There have since been dozens of songs that have touched on, mentioned, or been primarily concerned with masturbation. A few of the more noteworthy examples include:
– “My Ding-a-Ling.” Early R&B rocker Chuck Berry had numerous songs that hit number one on the R&B charts, including “Maybelline” and “Johnny B. Goode.” But only the novelty tune “My Ding-a-Ling” made it to the very top of the pop charts. With lyrics about “You’d catch me playing with my ding-a-ling,” it’s hard to argue that this song is a paean to self-pleasuring.
– “Pictures of Lily.” Pete Townshend’s lyrics don’t specifically mention playing with oneself, but he has admitted in interviews that this is the real subject. The Who’s recording makes it clear that the pictures of this girl helped the singer sleep at night from the relaxing effects of shooting a load off.
– “Dancing with Myself.” Billy Idol could simply be singing about solo dancing – but when he talks about waiting so long for his “love vibration,” is there any doubt what the real activity is?
– “Captain Jack.” Billy Joel may be an incredibly successful singer-songwriter, but even he had lonely teen-age years when, as he blatantly says, “you just sit at home and masturbate.” And why not? A release is a release.
– “Longview.” Green Day gained widespread attention with this song, which discusses the amount of masturbating a guy does when he’s got nothing better to do.
– “Girls of Porn.” One of the raunchiest songs on this list, the Mr. Bungle contribution is all about how a guy can’t keep his hands off his junk when he’s tempted by pictures of naked women posing suggestively. Not many guys would disagree.
– “Turning Japanese.” This incredibly catchy new wave ditty makes the rather insulting and insensitive equation between masturbation and being Japanese. But the nervous energy that runs through the song captures the feeling of a guy manipulating his organ in search of self-satisfaction.
By the way, in case anyone suspects that only male performers sing about self-pleasuring, don’t forget Cindy Lauper’s “She Bop” (and its message about messing with the danger zone) or the DiVinyls’ more blatant “I Touch Myself.”
The list of masturbation songs could go on quite a bit longer, with the likes of “The Stroke” by Billy Squier or “Orgasm Addict” by the Buzzcocks. Whatever songs a guy may use to influence his solo outings, he needs to make sure he is using a first-class penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) to keep his tool in good health. It’s essential that the crème contains a neuroprotective ingredient such as acetyl L-carnitine to help with peripheral nerve damage that may occur from overuse (or over-aggressive use) while masturbating. The best crème will also include vitamin D, which has been proven effective at fighting diseases while enabling cell functionality – a dual function that is vital to penis health.
