The desire to extend playtime beyond its usual duration is a common one among both men and women. If both partners are interested in this, it makes sense to learn some tips about how to last longer in bed – provided that both partners’ expectations are realistic. If one or both partners place unrealistic expectations on the man’s stamina, then performance anxiety can set in and further disrupt sexual pleasure. Since sex is an important part of psychological, relationship and penile health, couples should know not only tips for lasting longer, but facts that dispel common misconceptions about a man’s lasting powers as well.
- Get the facts straight. There is a notable discrepancy between what people want in bed and what they can reasonably expect (without proper preparations). Consider the following bits of data:
- A Cosmopolitan magazine survey of more than 2,500 women found that more than 70% said their desired length of intercourse (from penetration to male orgasm) is over 10 minutes, with most saying 15-25 minutes.
- The same magazine surveyed about 30,000 men and found that, on average, they want longer sack sessions (including foreplay) to last 35-40 minutes.
- The average man can handle 3-7 minutes of continual thrusting before ejaculating.
Clearly, some of people’s expectations around sex are unrealistic – at least unless they take special measures to lengthen the duration of the activity. It’s not that men have a problem – only 2-5% of men qualify as suffering from premature ejaculation, which is defined as finishing within one minute. Lasting for a short period of time is completely normal, so couples need to understand that, first, it’s not a man’s fault, and, second, both can take steps to lengthen their encounters.
- Proper training is key. There are a couple things men can do outside of partner play to increase their control over ejaculation timing. One is to perform kegels; this is done by contracting the muscles that control the flow of urine through the penis. The exercise is also known to strengthen erectile function. 3 sets of 15 reps spread throughout the day is sufficient to make a difference, and they can be done anywhere.
Second, men can use their masturbation routine to up their bedroom stamina. This is done by employing a method called edging in which a man brings himself to the brink of orgasm, then stops and waits until he begins to soften to start up again, repeating the process 3 or 4 times before allowing release. This trains him to better control the time of release.
- Vary the speed. Remember: 3-7 minutes of continual thrusting is the normal time it takes for a healthy man to finish. If both partners are fond of the jackhammer style of sex, fast and constant, it’s not reasonable to expect much longer from a man. Therefore, when he feels close to finishing, he can take this as his cue to slow down – kind of like edging, but with a partner.
- Try the “7 and 9” method. The 7 and 9 method dictates a more structured approach to varying speed. The man thrusts fast 7 times, then 9 times more slowly and repeats.
- Have mid-play. A man can maintain both penile and vaginal stimulation without thrusting in and out. When he’s getting close, he can pull out and rub the head of his penis along the woman’s labia and the opening of her vagina. He can even use the tip to stimulate her clitoris.
- Thrust shallow. Along with varying thrust speed, the depth can be changed to extend duration. While stimulation of the top of the shaft and head is still immensely pleasurable, it may bring about ejaculation more slowly than full engulfment of the organ. Also, shallow thrusts are best for hitting her G-spot, so she won’t be likely to complain. Classic doggie style with shallow thrusts is great for a man’s ability to control thrust depth and hitting the G-spot.
- Be more in the moment. Everyone has likely experienced the “race to the finish” mentality. It can be hard to delay that immensely pleasurable moment; sometimes, people fear that they won’t finish if they wait, so they let it happen early on despite an overall desire to go longer. Men can try to shift their perspective from seeing sex as a means to orgasm to seeing it as an enjoyable experience at all its many possible stages.
Men aren’t likely to last longer if their skin is sore and chafed. That’s why it’s a good idea to use plenty of lube during masturbation and sex. It’s also wise to apply a penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) after a man’s daily shower. A product with Shea butter and vitamin E can keep the skin is good condition and ready for action.
